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Archive for the ‘Golf Jokes’ Category
An 80 year old Italian gentleman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asked, “how do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” said the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape… I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up, down and around the fairways. I then have a glass of vino, and all is well.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it than that. How old was your father when he died?”
“Who said my father is dead?”
The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your father is still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s 100 years old,” says the elderly Italian golfer. “In fact, he golfs with me regularly, and then we go to the topless beach to pick up some girls and then have a little vino and that’s why he’s still alive. So you see, he’s Italian and a golfer, too.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your father’s father? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my nonno is dead?
Stunned, the doctor asks, “are you telling me you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible! how old is he?”
“He’s 119 years old,” said the old Italian golfer.
The doctor was somewhat frustrated at this point and sarcastically said, “So I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No, nonno couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
Getting married! Why would a 119-year-old guy want to get married?
“Who said he wanted to?”
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COWS, GOLF AND MY WIFE
A man staggered into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him ‘What happened to you?
Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’
‘I don’t remember much after that…’
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