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Web Joker Archives

Archive for the ‘Police Jokes’ Category

The Police Chief Daughter’s Wedding

posted by The_Web_Joker @ 8:00 AM
Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain”

“Just be quiet”, snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, but officer, I just wanted to say…”

“And I told you to keep quiet … you’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he returns.”

“Don’t count on it,” said the fellow in the cell, “I’m the groom!”

Vatican Humor: The Pope Wants To Drive

posted by The_Web_Joker @ 5:13 PM
Friday, March 26, 2010

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning..

‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 155 kph.

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘ A senator?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’
Cop: ‘Bigger..’

‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’

Police Ticket Excuse

posted by The_Web_Joker @ 7:54 PM
Saturday, January 30, 2010

Police Ticket Excuse

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit.

He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he hits the pedal and the race is on.

The cars are racing down the freeway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.

He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said, “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!”

Lying Police Officer

posted by The_Web_Joker @ 7:51 PM
Friday, January 29, 2010

Lying Officer

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

- Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
- Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
- Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
- Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
- Officer: The car is stolen?
- Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
- Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
- Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
- Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
- Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

- Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
- Driver: Sure. Here it is.

- It was valid.

- Captain: Who’s car is this?
- Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.

The driver owned the car.

- Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
- Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

- Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
- Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

- Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
- Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying S.O.B told you I was speeding, too…

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