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Archive for the ‘Quick Jokes’ Category
Quick Ethnic Jokes
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CUBAN
Q: What’s the Cuban national anthem?
A: “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”
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MEXICAN
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic Team?
A: Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is already here!
Q: Why do Mexicans have those little chain steering wheels?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on
Q: Why don’t Mexicans use Bar-B-Que’s?
A: Because beans always fall through the grill
Q: What is Mexico’s national bird?
A: The fly
Q: Why were there only 10,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?
A: Because they only had 7 cars
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IRISH
Q: How can you tell the Irish guy is in the hospital?
A: He’s the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar
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CHINESE
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong
Q: What do you call ’69′ in chinese?
A: Two Can Chew
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ITALIAN
Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment
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PUERTO RICANS
Q: Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they’re not going to work in the future, either
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SOUTHERN USA
Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp
Q: Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and
Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it
Q: What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A: A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
Q: What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A: A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit….”
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JEWISH
Q: How did the Grand Canyon get started?
A: Two Jew’s dropped a dime
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ETHIOPIANS
Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit in a telephone booth?
A: All of them
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POLLOCK
Q: How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree?
A: Wave to him
Q: How do you break a Pollack’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose
Q: Who made women?
A: Pollacks. They’re the only people stupid enough to put the snack bar right next to the shitter
Q: How many pollocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two! one to hold the lightbulb and another one to spin the chair
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Quick Celebrity Jokes
MICHAEL JACKSON
Q: Why are Michael Jacksons pants always look like they are too short?
A: Because he grabbed the first pair he could find!
Q: What’s brown and often found in childrens underpants?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson going to the hospital for food poisoning
A: he ate a 3 year old weiner
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson going into rehab?
A: he had a ‘little crack’ problem
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like 28 year olds?
A: because there’s 20 of them
Q: What does Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They’re both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns
Q: What’s black and cums in a little white can?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: What celebrity in Hollywood has had the most children?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One’s made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with and the other you put groceries in
Q: Why are Michael Jackson’s pants always too small?
A: Because they’re not his
Q: What time is bed time at Michael Jackson’s house?
A: When the big hand touches the small hand
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SONNY BONO
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dog and Sonny Bono?
A: One has a whole lot of bark and no bite and the other bites a whole lot of bark
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NATALIE WOOD
Q: What kind of wood doesn’t float?
A: Natalie Wood
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HELEN KELLER
Q: Why was Helen Keller’s leg yellow?
A: Her dog was blind, too
Q: How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
A: They rearranged all the furniture, put door knobs on all the walls and left the plunger in the toilet
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MELISSA ETHERIDGE
Q: What do you call 500 heavily armed lesbians?
A: Militia Etheridge
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MIKE TYSON
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.
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BRITNEY SPEARS
Q: How did Britney Spears cross the road?
A: With a Magic Marker
Quick Blonde Jokes
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”
Q: Why do blondes always wear large hoop earings?
A: They use them as ankle holders
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads with extra padding?
A: So they won’t hurt their heads as they bounce them back and forth saying… ‘I don’t know’
Q: What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: go home
Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door
Q: What do you call a brunette in between two blondes?
A: An interpreter
Q: What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
A: A brunette with really bad breath
Q: Why don’t blondes go to Taco Bell?
A: They think it’s a Mexican phone company
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide-and-seek champion
Q: A lady says to the blonde, “Hey, look at that dog over there with one eye.”
A: the blonde replies, “Where?”…while holding one hand over her eye.
Q: Why do blondes hate to breastfeed their babies?
A: It hurts to boil their nipples
Quick Black Jokes
Q: How did the babysitter get the black kid to stop jumping on the bed?
A: She put velcro on the ceiling
Q: How did she get him down?
A: She invited the Mexican kids next door and told them it was a pinata
Q: How did the babysitter get the black kid to stop running around?
A: She licked his lips and stuck him to the window
Q: Why don’t black kids play in the parks sand box?
A: Because the cats would bury them
Q: What do call one thousand black guys jumping out of a plane?
A: Night
Q: How did the black guy commit suicide on the freeway?
A: He stuck his head out the window and let his lips flap him to death!
Q: What do white people leave when they die? a will
A: What do black people leave when they die? a bill
Q: Why are black nostrals so big?
A: Because God held them by their nostrals with his middle and index finger while he spray painted them
Q: What’s the difference between a dead black man on the road and a dead dog on the road?
A: There are skidmarks in front of the dog
Q: How do you keep a bunch of black guys from coming into your backyard?
A: You hang one up in the front
Q: Why do black people wear gloves when eating tootsie rolls?
A: So they won’t bite their fingers off by accident
Q: What do you call a black man on a tree?
A: A branch manager
Q: What do you call a black girl with braces?
A: A Black & Decker pecker wrecker
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike
Q: Why do black people wear large brimmed hats?
A: So birds don’t shit on their lips
Q: What do you call a black man in a three piece suit?
A: A Defendant
Q: What do you call a black guy in court?
A: Guilty
Q: Why don’t black people drive convertibles?
A: Because their lips will beat them to death
Q: Why are black peoples palms and the bottom of their feet white?
A: Because when God sprayed them, they were assuming the position
Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because they’re knee-grows
Q: How do you keep 7 black guys from raping a white girl?
A: Throw them a basketball
Q: What do you get when you come across a Samoan and a nigger?
A: Sum-o-niggaz (Some more niggers)
Q: Why don’t black people go to the beach?
A: Because the dogs will bury them
Q: What does Pontiac stand for?
A: Poor Old Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac
Q: What do you call a black smurf?
A: A smigger
Q: Why weren’t Adam and Eve black?
A: Have you ever tried to take a rib from a nigger?!
Q: Why do black people call white people “honkeys”?
A: Because it’s the last thing they hear before we run them over
Q: Why don’t black women use tampons?
A: Because their crabs would go bungee jumping
Q: What’s purple and sits on my front porch?
A: My pet nigger, and I’ll paint him any color I want!
Quick Animal Jokes
Q: What do you get out of forest fires?
A: Crispy critters
Q: How many mice does it take to screw IN a light bulb?
A: Two
Q: What’s green and red and goes 100 mph?
A: A frog in a blender
Acronym Jokes
Q: F.O.R.D.
A: Found On Road Dead
Q: P.O.N.T.I.A.C
A: Poor Ol’ Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac
Q: A.I.D.S.
A: Adios Infected Dick Suckers
Q: D.N.A.
A: National Dyslexics Association
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