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Posts Tagged ‘Bill Clinton’
Student of History
It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up.
“Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.
“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no response except from Suzuki:
“Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Suzuki
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Japs.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,”Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble! ….and Suzuki said, “The Taliban! 2001.”
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Bill Clinton’s Hijacking Solution!
Federal Aviation Agency
800 Independence Avenue SW
Washington DC 20591
Dear Sirs;
I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet. Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman.
We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have record sales.
Now why didn’t Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Mr. President
President Clinton walks into a restaurant and is seated at one of the finest tables. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit comes to his table. “What would you like, Mr. President?” Clinton looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers: “A quickie.”
The waitress stomps off in total disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: “What would you like, Mr. President?” Again Clinton thoroughly checks her out and again answers: “A quickie, please.” This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A Secret Service agent, sitting at the next table, leans over and whispers, “Um, Mr. President, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.’”
Lie-Clocks
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said Hillary, “whose clock is that?”
St. Peter responded, “That is Mother Teresa’s Lie-Clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said Hillary. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter answered, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s Lie-Clock. The hands have moved only twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s Bill’s clock?”, asked Hillary.
St. Peter said, “Bill’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
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