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Posts Tagged ‘Black’
Quick Black Jokes
Q: How did the babysitter get the black kid to stop jumping on the bed?
A: She put velcro on the ceiling
Q: How did she get him down?
A: She invited the Mexican kids next door and told them it was a pinata
Q: How did the babysitter get the black kid to stop running around?
A: She licked his lips and stuck him to the window
Q: Why don’t black kids play in the parks sand box?
A: Because the cats would bury them
Q: What do call one thousand black guys jumping out of a plane?
A: Night
Q: How did the black guy commit suicide on the freeway?
A: He stuck his head out the window and let his lips flap him to death!
Q: What do white people leave when they die? a will
A: What do black people leave when they die? a bill
Q: Why are black nostrals so big?
A: Because God held them by their nostrals with his middle and index finger while he spray painted them
Q: What’s the difference between a dead black man on the road and a dead dog on the road?
A: There are skidmarks in front of the dog
Q: How do you keep a bunch of black guys from coming into your backyard?
A: You hang one up in the front
Q: Why do black people wear gloves when eating tootsie rolls?
A: So they won’t bite their fingers off by accident
Q: What do you call a black man on a tree?
A: A branch manager
Q: What do you call a black girl with braces?
A: A Black & Decker pecker wrecker
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike
Q: Why do black people wear large brimmed hats?
A: So birds don’t shit on their lips
Q: What do you call a black man in a three piece suit?
A: A Defendant
Q: What do you call a black guy in court?
A: Guilty
Q: Why don’t black people drive convertibles?
A: Because their lips will beat them to death
Q: Why are black peoples palms and the bottom of their feet white?
A: Because when God sprayed them, they were assuming the position
Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because they’re knee-grows
Q: How do you keep 7 black guys from raping a white girl?
A: Throw them a basketball
Q: What do you get when you come across a Samoan and a nigger?
A: Sum-o-niggaz (Some more niggers)
Q: Why don’t black people go to the beach?
A: Because the dogs will bury them
Q: What does Pontiac stand for?
A: Poor Old Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac
Q: What do you call a black smurf?
A: A smigger
Q: Why weren’t Adam and Eve black?
A: Have you ever tried to take a rib from a nigger?!
Q: Why do black people call white people “honkeys”?
A: Because it’s the last thing they hear before we run them over
Q: Why don’t black women use tampons?
A: Because their crabs would go bungee jumping
Q: What’s purple and sits on my front porch?
A: My pet nigger, and I’ll paint him any color I want!
(2 Comments )
A True Story…
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City; a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. “I’ll be right back and we’ll go to eat,” she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.
As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big… very big… an intimidating figure.
The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don’t be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.
She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered, ashamed. She hoped they didn’t read her mind, but knew they surely did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too obvious. Her face was flushed. She couldn’t just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.
Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and another-The elevator didn’t move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I’m trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.
Then…one of the men said, “Hit the floor.” Instinct told her: Do what they tell you.
The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, “Ma’am, if you’ll just tell us what floor you’re going to, we’ll push the button.”
The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.
She lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. “When I told my man here to hit the floor,” said the average sized one, “I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn’t mean for you to hit the floor, ma’am.” He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.
She thought: My God, what a spectacle I’ve made of myself. She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her.
How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn’t know what to say. The 3 of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring
with laughter while they walked back to the elevator.
The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together, and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.
The next morning flowers were delivered to her room-a dozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The card said: “Thanks for the best laugh we’ve had in years.” It was signed,
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan
Black and White
A black man was talking to a white man and said:
I’m black.
When I was born I was black.
When I grow up I was black.
When I’m sick I’m black.
When I go in the sun I’m black.
When I’m cold I’m black.
When I die I’m black.
But you:
When you’re born you’re pink.
When you grow up you’re white.
When you’re sick you’re green.
When you go in the sun you’re red.
When you’re cold you’re blue.
When you die you’re purple.
A Million Dollars
A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited a few of his buddies. He also invited Leroy, the only black guest at the party.
He held the party in the backyard of his mansion. Everybody was having a good time drinking, dancing, talking to the ladies. At the height of the party, the rich white guy said,” I have a man-eating alligator in my pool and I will give anyone a million dollars if he is man enough to jump in.”
All of a sudden there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
HE WAS FIGHTING THE ALLIGATOR AND KICKING IT’S ASS. He was doing head butts, jabs,choke-holds, all kinds of shit. Water
was splashing, the alligator was screaming. Leroy finally strangled the alligator and it sunk to the bottom.
Leroy then slowly got out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him. The rich white guy said, ” Damn……I guess I owe you a million dollars…”
Leroy said,” No, that’s okay.” The rich white guy said,” Man, I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million?” The brother said no. The rich white guy said” Come on, I insist on giving you something……how about stock options….a Rolex……maybe a Porsche……? Again, Brotherman said “No”. The confused rich white guy said, “Well
Leroy, what do you want?”
Leroy said,” I just want the muthafucka who pushed me in the pool.”
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