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Posts Tagged ‘Language’
Student of History
It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up.
“Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.
“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no response except from Suzuki:
“Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Suzuki
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Japs.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,”Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble! ….and Suzuki said, “The Taliban! 2001.”
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The word cat
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can’t.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can’t resist passing it on!!
Tater people
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called “Spec Taters”.
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called “Comment Taters”.
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don’t want to soil their own hands. They are called “Dick Taters”.
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called “Agie Taters”.
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called “Hezzie Taters”.
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called “Emma Taters”.
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever
they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called “Sweet Taters”.
You may want to send this to all the other “Sweet Taters”, you know !!!!!!!
Politically Correct Insults
Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that
is politically correct? Here are some great suggestions sent in
by various people…
A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
An experiment in artificial stupidity
A few beers short of a six pack
Dumber than a box of hair
A few peas short of a casserole
Doesn’t have all his Cornflakes in one box
The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One taco short of a combination plate
A few feathers short of a whole duck
All foam, no beer
The cheese slid off his cracker
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
As smart as bait
Chimney’s clogged
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Her sewing machine’s out of thread
His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
Missing a few buttons on his remote control
No grain in the silo
Proof that evolution can go in reverse
Receiver is off the hook
Several nuts short of a full pouch
Sky light leaks a little
Slinky’s kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too much yardage between the goal posts
I WE TODD
ID I SOFA
KING WE TODD
ID
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