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Posts Tagged ‘Politics’
Quick Politics Jokes
Q: What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth?
A: One US leader
Q: Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?
A: He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney!
Q. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
A. Because Janet Reno is her real father
Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A: 100 people who don’t do dick.
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Bill Clinton’s Hijacking Solution!
Federal Aviation Agency
800 Independence Avenue SW
Washington DC 20591
Dear Sirs;
I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet. Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman.
We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have record sales.
Now why didn’t Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Mr. President
President Clinton walks into a restaurant and is seated at one of the finest tables. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit comes to his table. “What would you like, Mr. President?” Clinton looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers: “A quickie.”
The waitress stomps off in total disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: “What would you like, Mr. President?” Again Clinton thoroughly checks her out and again answers: “A quickie, please.” This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A Secret Service agent, sitting at the next table, leans over and whispers, “Um, Mr. President, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.’”
Lie-Clocks
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said Hillary, “whose clock is that?”
St. Peter responded, “That is Mother Teresa’s Lie-Clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said Hillary. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter answered, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s Lie-Clock. The hands have moved only twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s Bill’s clock?”, asked Hillary.
St. Peter said, “Bill’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
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